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The Amazing Cast That Was Resident Evil: Afterlife

By on December 16, 2010 in Flix

This movie was awesomely awful.

First of all, there are a total of twelve characters. Not main characters, but TOTAL there are twelve characters. That’s kind of ok cause there are plenty of hipster/indie movies with like two characters so whatever, but they kill off these characters like it’s nothing! Two of them will be mid conversation with a third, and then BOOM he gets sliced in half by a mutant dude with an ax bigger than me.

ABOUT FOUR SECONDS LATER

Also I should mention that that big mutant axe dude is basically Astaroth from Soul Caliber. How the hell they don’t ever see that thing coming is just silly. Like seriously.

Let’s see, who else is in this movie… ah yes, Wentworth Miller is in this movie. He plays a guy who is stuck in a prison cell and has to get out.

Just doesn’t seem to be getting any easier for you, does it Wentworth.

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Things I Learned While Watching “I’m Still Here”

By on November 24, 2010 in Flix

Celebrities speak in metaphors almost constantly.

They don’t seem to do anything DIY.

JP likes cocaine.

JP’s rhymes weren’t that bad. I don’t know much rap, but he talks about how awesome he is and how everyone else sucks. Sounds about right.

“Never be late. Never, ever be late.”

Writing hip hop songs is harder than it looks/sounds. Sometimes the songs seem so simple. But finding something that’s simple and also COOL is hard. Apparently.

JP has balls.

Drugs are powerful. JP is even more so.

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Trilogies

By on August 24, 2010 in Flix, Shenanigans

This summer, Flowing Data posted this very interesting article on movie trilogies.  The Rotten Tomatoes score for Toy Story 3 had just come out (99%), so they decided to compare scores for “true trilogies” as listed on Wikipedia and present them in a couple of nice looking graphs (which, by the way, is what Flowing Data is all about / just plain cool).

So first they made this chart (see below), which I think is actually a bit hard to decipher…well the top half anyway.

I generally agree with chart–Bourne got better with age, MI:3 was bad ass, Ocean’s 12 was such a cop out, and yeah, like HSM 2 was totally lame.

The atrocity in this chart that I refuse to get over is WTF is up with the Back to the Future chart?! In my book, BTTF 2 is the clear champ of the series, followed closely by 1, then 3 by a slightly larger gap. I think of all the things Bobby Z and Stevie Speils had to come up with to put Marty in the future!! Hoverboards, flying cars (what other movie have you seen that does that so realistically) and then the genius for them to actually GO BACK to the Enchantment Under the Sea dance from the first movie!!! That is pure motion picture gold right there!!!!

Movie Trilogies.GIF

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“Kick-Ass” Kicks Ass and Other Headlines That I’m Sure Have Been Used

By on April 25, 2010 in Flix

Saw Kick-Ass today with @rasp165 and WOW was that WAAAAY more violent and vulgar than I was expecting–in the best way.  Here’s why…

It’s not some cheesy, campy, comic book related movie like… um Ghost Rider (also starring Nick Cage) or Batman & Robin.  It cuts right to the chase, which I love in movies.

Dude likes superheroes in comics, so he tries to be one, except he forgets he’s a comic book nerd and thus has no idea how to fight.  In comes in Nick Cage (one of his best roles in a while, but that isn’t saying much…) and some AWESOME LITTLE GIRL with a ‘tude and a mouth known as Hit-Girl.  Here’s their debut in the movie:

That part ruled.  Here’s some more of her bad-assery from the movie: (NOTICE – clip contains some potty words…)

And boom!  It just keeps getting better and better from there.  Lots of blood (but not gory, more arcade-like violence) and characters that hint at being self-aware of how awkwardly hilarious some scenes are–I had a lot of fun watching it.  Also does make you kinda wonder… why not be a superhero?!

More trailer goodness:

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